Tag Archives: Pauline’s Posts

A Rambling Post……

It has been a very busy weekend for me.

I had a crazy day at work Friday. It would’ve been a “normal” one with just a few fires. But we’ve been having phone issues since Tuesday afternoon and our system keeps going done. I have been using my personal phone to conduct business. I am really getting tired of that and dialing *67 before calling out, so I do not share my personal number.

Got out of work 30min later then I wanted to….blah And headed to the store to try and get most of our shopping done. The more I get done before heading home, the less I have to do Saturday.

Glad that Purdue’s game was in the afternoon, then I could get errands done and not miss that much. Well, the way the game was going…..ouch….it was ugly. We got our asses handed to us. We do not think the coach is going to last the year at this rate.

My To Do List for this weekend was a nice sized one, felt good to get nearly complete. While being able to have some hubby time. That is hard to balance.

I worked online for 7yrs, he worked online for over 10yrs. It has been two years since we had to put our dreams on hold and take brick and mortar jobs again. We are handling it, but we wonder how did so many years ago. We also had crazy schedules, but I do not remember how did we make time for each other. It has been a big adjustment.

Hell, I look back on when I was in college. I worked 2 jobs a lot of the time while taking more then a full load. I do not know how we got time together, how errands were done, how did I get family time in, how did I get all those papers written, tests studied for and just the every day tasks of living. I am amazed that I did not lose it back then, when I feel like I am losing it now. Maybe I was just so young and did not know any better. Just kept pushing myself.

The things we can do when we were younger it is kind of crazy.

The Woman Connection

Society over the generations has taught women to judge other women even more harshly then men, taught us to tear each other down to make ourselves feel better, and to compete for a men’s attention. It is still like that, but I do not know if it my years or society, as a whole is changing, but I do not see that as much in my personal life.

Oh it is definitely still there in public, but it is getting called to the carpet…ie, the playboy bunny posting that picture with a catty comments of the other woman in the gym locker room. The backlash towards that has probably cost her the career she was trying to have in modeling.

The things I have noticed is no matter how society tries to make us women turn on each other, when it comes to locker rooms, bathrooms, spas and even nail saloons, we can be pretty nonjudgmental and supportive when the chips are down.

I have gotten into the most interesting and intimate conversations in those settings.

I have seen the beauty of what a woman’s body goes through over her life time at spas. The woman who survived breast cancer, the bringing forth life, surviving of domestic violence, and the surviving the unrealistic standards of beauty that men and society push on us.

I have had Vietnamese women ask me about my breast (3 different saloons, in different states), since I am so well endowed. They even asked to feel them, since they have never seen ones so large that are natural.

A friend and I, while waiting in a bathroom line at a club, got into a conversation with the other women in line about breasts, natural and augment. My friend had augment and mine the natural. We just started talking, showing and feeling the differences in our breasts. It was a conversation of learning, curiosity and exploring. What made it even more memorable, that one of the women that showed her breasts along with us, was at the teacher at the parent-teacher conference at my friend’s kids catholic school the next day….LOL

That was just classic, but also showed what a sisterhood us women can have, no matter what.

Even when it is not your conversation, you find yourself jumping in to support and help a fellow sister out. I have had conversations about domestic violence, breast reductions, social pressure on unrealistic beauty standards or just giving a hug to someone that is crying.

As women, we have all been there, or know a loved one that has. We have all experienced the threat of violence, whether directly or implied, we have all experienced the horror of street harassment that makes you feel small, hopeless and in danager. We have all been made to feel stupid by men and society for being women, we are treated like children, like we can not be trusted to make our own decisions about our own health and bodies, we have all suffered heart ache due to our partners, we are made to feel unattractive and when we do not, we are shamed for it. All of women has either experience sexual violence or know someone close to us that has. We are pushed into the madonna/whore dichotomy.

It is some of those common experiences that we as women goes through that helps keeps us more united then we are divided, no matter what society tries to do to us.

With other women, we do not have much of filter with each other, when it comes to the issues that we face as women. Even in very brief, 2 sentence conversations in passing at work, we women can reveal and share a lot. We understand what the other one is going through. There is not much that we consider TMI (too much info).

I know I have never been shy about my experiences with other women. I was raised in household with women that shared everything.

The more I think about it, the more special and meaningful it is. Makes me wonder if men ever have that connection to each other that we as women have? Do we have that connection due to being women or because of where we are placed in society and the issues we face?

It is a connection that we as women should never take for granted and should always encourage and support it.

Society and Women’s Sexuality

Working back in brick and mortar takes some getting use to again. Not just the fact that you are no longer setting your own schedule from home, doing your own thing, and depending on what you are doing you can get isolated from having to deal with people that have hang ups about women.

When we worked from home, the group of people we worked with online had very different views, no doubt about that, but not so contradictory as some of the ones I have encounter recently.

What is it with some men not being able to handle women having sexuality and wanting to express it? Why do they have to make comments as if when a woman expresses her sexuality that it is unacceptable?

It is messed up.

I have meet repressed people that they can not seem to handle it if their female partner’s dress shows her shoulders. I am like, wow, really?!? Yet, they are fascinated and make comments on other women’s pictures when they are showing off.

Just like every other person that I have meet that has stated that they are conservative on sexuality, it does not stop them from expressing it in their comments and discussion. It is either very hypocritical or they are trying to expand their own boundaries of thought.

They are same ones that outlaw porn yet spend the most on money on it. Some of the biggest freaks I have meet are self described conservatives (nothing do with politics).

I get so tired of the issues that society has with women enjoying their sexuality. They should not have to hide it, they should not have to apologize for it and it sure in hell does not mean that they are asking for it.

Those attitudes about women’s sexuality is what leads to the victim blaming rape culture that we have today. Leads to rapists getting off on probation, getting suspended jail sentences. While the victim tries to rebuild their life, while living in fear and PTSD.

And it is not good enough to know what consent means and practice it yourself, you also have to call out your male friends for their non-consent ways/jokes, call them to the carpet, don’t just laugh it off. Let them know that it is unacceptable. If you do not, you are part of the problem.

Marshaling Thoughts

I can not seem to marshall my thoughts like I use to. My postings have been more rambling then I would like.

It is frustrating. I do not know if I am writing with too much background noise. I always have been very good at ignoring it when I am focused, when I go deep into something, I totally tunnel vision….I do not see or hear anything around me. But I am wondering if it has been so long that I can not seem to get to that level.

I am also wondering if I am so tired and distracted with the things that I need to do, that it dissipates my emotions on the matter I wish to address.

I have always written more focused when I am really riled up. And before I thought about writing again, I would be getting riled up and my thoughts together when I was driving home…..which is why I was thinking of dictating to my notes on my iphone. When I get home after work, I would be forced to change my focus and get busy either showering, getting ready for the next day or trying to chill, that I am not able to get that focus back.

Then I was wondering today if it is because I get most of my thoughts out to my co-workers…..but then I use to write a lot when I was out and about.

Then when I have the perfect days to focus and have no distractions, I have to struggle with my thoughts. It is disappointing. =(

Maybe I should start writing on more mundane everyday things…..

I am hoping with these posts that I will finally get them out more clearly. It will take practice, time, and (I guess) patience.

Baffled By People

With this election, I just really do not get people. I do not get how people can not see the racism from Trump? The sexism? How much he hates everyday Americans in how he refuses to pay for services renderer? How he has put so many small businesses out of business? The small businesses that are the backbone of this country? How he disrespects Veterans? How do they not see that he is a major part of the problems in this country with his conning and lies?

There is so many issues with him, but the issue that keeps coming to mind is his racism. The dog whistles he does for the racist and white supremacy groups.

I do not know if people are just that racist, ignorant or knowingly blind?

I had shared a meme on facebook showing a black man being chained to a tree. The meme stated that the picture was from 75yrs ago. I stated that I wasn’t sure if it was, but that you do not tell African-Americans to get over slavery and jim crow when you do not tell people of the Jewish faith to get over the Holocaust.

One of the comments I got was that people are still alive from the Holocaust and the excuse that it was Africans that sold other Africans into the slavery.

My responses from the thread (edited for grammar corrections and actual paragraphs since replies on FB doesn’t allow that):

People are still alive that saw the lynching and seen their family torn out of their beds by men in hoods. One guy I work with never meet his 7 uncles because they were lynched.

The excuse about Africans selling them into slavery is that, an excuse That does NOT make what the US did the right or the fact that the system is still set up to support white supremacy. That is the reality of our laws that are in the blood of our history.

You know how the law came about not allowing intermarriage between black slaves and white indentured servants? Because the child carry the status of mother and they didn’t want to call a “white” child a slave. And because indentured servants (which wasn’t much better then slavery) were natural allies of the black slaves. The slave/indentured masters couldn’t have that.

So by treating one worst then the animal and bringing up a person that is in the same boat but is white and you tell them that they are better because they are white. You start a system of white supremacy.

White and black children, identical in everything but color are treated differently in school. That is how more children of color get stuck in the school-to-prison pipeline. They have done studies where the exact same resume is turned in and the “white” sounding name gets called and the “black/latino” name does not. Those are the facts and the reality of our society.

And you wonder why people of color are pissed off? My husband was pulled over while driving while black. Because they saw his best friend who was black, as soon as they saw that my husband was white, they made excuses that they thought he was someone else. Yeah, they thought they were going to get 2 black navy men and instead got a white one thrown in the mix.

I remember my best friend in 7 & 8th grade, who was black, tell me stories of living in a small town in Texas. And how her family members got beaten for just “crossing” the tracks to the white side of town. I didn’t even know that happened when I was in 7th grade.

Things haven’t changed as much, it isn’t gone, it is just under ground. With scum like Trump using “dog whistles” too all the racists that know exactly what they meant. The birther movement….that was all about race plain and simple…..can’t have a black man get to “uppity” must tear him down and delegitimize him.

**Then they brought up riots and burning of neighborhoods.

My responses:

Not acknowledging that our system is set up to keep the racism going is what keeps it going.

Hopelessness, poverty and anger is what creates the circumstances that neighborhoods burn…it has nothing to do with color…riots have happened in white neighborhoods during the depressions.


Current white/upperclass culture doesn’t want to acknowledge that. As long as they don’t have to see the despair and deal with the “unhappy angry negro” they are content to sweep it under the rug. It freaks them out to see people upset the race/class status quo.

Current white/upperclass culture don’t want to acknowledge that they are part of the problem and with their ignorance are not much better then the slave masters.

At least the slave masters were upfront about their racism. The hidden racism is the most dangerous.

The only good thing that Trump as done has brought the racists upfront so they can’t hide and you can call them for what they are…..bigots and racists.

I think most of the reason why our system is still so racist is because of ignorance and not wanting to deal with the reality that non whites face.

When I asked a black staffer years ago at the women’s shelter about how she was doing in Lafayette and she said that she didn’t see many people that were actually racist, but were ignorant in how they were acting racist or how the system was racist.

They are afraid of acknowledging that they have racists parts to themselves. What is sad, is no matter what, we are ALL racist….society teaches us that in even when we know better.

It is when you don’t acknowledge that part of you, don’t exam where you learned it and don’t do anything to change it….that is what keeps the racist system going.

*This article sums it a lot about our society : http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christy-degallerie/its-time-to-call-out-nice-racists-white-fragility_b_11939196.html?

**I really just do not get how they do not see it. It is like 3 monkeys, one covering their eyes, another their ears and another their mouth. They do not want to see the truth in front of them.