Tag Archives: Pauline’s Posts

New Primary

I finally found us a new primary.  

Appointment is not until June 1st. =( But when setting up with a new primary, the appointment is longer and harder to book.

The new doctor is closer, female (requirement for both of us), and use to serve in the Army Medical Corp…..a huge plus.  

Hubby deals with PTSD and anxiety…..so that fact that she served and is used to dealing with vets that deal with those issues, even if his is not service related.  It is a major helpful factor. 

Hubby & I do our appointments together, helps us on remembering what is covered during the visit and bring up things the other might forget or the other one notices.

He really needs a skin check, I’ve been stressing that for awhile, and I already posted some of my issues that I need to address.

Everyone was a huge help on encouragement and ideas on my last post.  I really appreciate it.  It helped to feel that I am not going crazy.

Some have reached out with more detail information and I will be taking that with me.  Every little bit to help figure things out, I’m grateful for.

Feels good to make a step in the right direction.

Life Changes

I’ve been having issues the last few months on lack of motivation, energy, coping, trying to stay out getting into funks…slides into depression.

Things that were never a struggle, now I have to force my through it.  I just don’t seem to have the energy, not even to do the most basic things, I need more sleep.  I just want to shut down and hide from the world.  

I’m not interacting on FB like I use to.  I’m missing it, but at the same time, just don’t feel like getting involved anymore.

Oh, I post articles I’ve read, but I’m not “following” my family and friends like I use to.  

I’m going to try and cut down on the articles….try to stick to posting more personal stuff….because if I’m not interacting, who wants all those articles.

I’m just trying not to slide into a funk. =(

This feels like it has come on so suddenly….I wasn’t feeling this way, this time last year.

There has to be a reason….so I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell has changed.

Well, the only thing I can think is that I’m going through the “change” or menopause.  I haven’t had a cycle since June of last year.  

I use to be very, very regular and a few years ago, that changed and when I got my hormones tested, they keep telling me that I was normal for a woman my age.  But NO one would tell what the hell that means!  

Seriously, doctors don’t tell a woman that….tell her what the fuck that means!  

I’m so f’king annoyed by that….took me a bit to realize that if it was “normal” for a woman my age…that it means it probably has changed…eye roll.

I started researching it….because no one was telling me what it meant.

Some of the crap I’m going through that comes with it:

  • Fatigue
  • Night sweats & Hot Flashes (Had those a lot last summer/fall)
  • Mood swings and irritability.
  • Difficulty sleeping.
  • Cognitive changes (difficulty remembering names, directions, losing focus/train of thought)
  • Weight gain and slowed metabolism

I’m so over this….I just want my energy and thinking back.  

So sorry everyone on not being around as much as I use to, even if was just to like your post.  I loved to keep up on everyone, even if I didn’t comment.  But I seriously just want to hide from the world at this point and anything I do, I have to make myself do.  

I think I got this from mom….lol

48th Birthday

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!

I love and appreciate them more then you know!

Since I went to the gym yesterday, I skipped it and spent it doing things around the house with hubby.

After I opened all my little gifts from hubby, I took down the tree.  It was going to be the only day I had before the new year and I never have my tree up twice in one year.

I took more time putting my ornaments away then when I put them up, but when I put them up it was a spur of a moment thing.  It felt good through them, I haven’t really gone through them since 2012, the last time we had a big tree.

I need to get 4 of our cat ornaments engraved with their final year  =(  Need to get ones for Anastasia and Gimil 

Where the tree was, put up a new shelving unit and we did some rearranging. Freed up space, feels nice….after 3 years finally looks like we are “living” here…lol

I went and picked up gyros….so tasty.  =)

We actually got some snow today….doesn’t seem to be lasting.  But the concern we have around here is that we are suppose to be getting into some freezing temps over the next few days and that makes the roads scary.

It was a good both relaxing and productive birthday  =)

Now I need to get things ready for work tomorrow.

Xmas Eve 2018

**This was a post I did 24 Dec 2018 on FB. I like some of the Xmas memories it had.

Feels much later then it is. We both have that “tickle” in our throats that tells us that something icky is trying to get a hold of us. Going to be a nyquil kind of night.

Not celebrating the holidays these year. Way too much going on, plus we already got our presents…..couch, coffee table and my bday present has been getting highend makeup on really great sales….lol

Missing my family something terrible. If that was the one thing I could change, that would be it….get my family out here. No, I do not want to go back to the midwest…..I just want my family out here with me. ?

That is the only thing that I really, really miss from Indiana….family. Everything else, I can easily do without.

But this time of year, makes me miss my family even more. It was the one or two days of the year that my sister and I didn’t fight…..we actually got sneaky together trying to peak at presents….LOL

And the best times I remember have nothing to do with what we got, it was the time spent together. Heck, the stockings were sometimes the most fun with all the change, candy and little things that were in it.

I remember how much money we didn’t have when living in Germany….didn’t stop mom & dad from making it special.

Making refrigerated cookies with mom from the Betty Crocker cook book. Dying them red or green.

Loved how we would go driving around to the nicer neighborhoods and look at all the nights. Germans really knew how to decorate for the holiday. It seemed magically.

Which is why I spent years before the internet to find me the tree topper I wanted that was based off the ones I grew up on in Germany. (Army movers broke them all….eye roll) Blown glass with 2-3 bulbs in it. I now have one, it is burgundy.

Mom reading us the Xmas story every Xmas eve, just before we headed up to bed and just after we put the milk and cookies out.

My first Xmas eve in my apartment at Purdue, mom did it over the phone ?

Remember all the practicing in orchestra for the holiday concerts. Mr Olsen at Tanana Jr HS & while at Lathrop HS would have us practicing so much and then we would go the malls in Fairbanks and do holiday concerts on the weekend. He always had us doing more then just the school performances. ?

This year with everything, I didn’t even put up a tree….only the 2nd yr in my life I’ve been without one.

Next year, I’ll get my 5 big boxes of tree decoration out storage and have my tree. Just hope we are in a bigger place, storage wise…those are big boxes…lol

It’ll take me 3-5hrs to get it all up…..but I’ll have my tree. ?

This year, just going to put the ham in, make some sides and chill with my hubby on our new couch.Have a great holiday everyone!

Enjoy the time spent with family and loved ones.

Current Happenings

We got our boosters yesterday, it is a relief.

1st time over a year, only got gym twice this week….not happy about that. Changing that next week, one way or another.

Annoyed that that when I had to go in to work yesterday to get the pcs online, that I rolled my ankle on a dang pine cone….it is swollen and means I have to figure out something different at the gym….eye roll

After being together for over 28yrs, we are clueless about what to get each other or even what to tell the other to get…..frustrating. I think we are going to get ipads….won’t be delivered until Jan/Feb…but the kindle fires we got last year due are ok, just don’t feel quite right.

Too much of apple users….need to get back to ipads…our current ones are ipad 2…..pretty old…time for an upgrade. =)