I’m officially in menopause. I haven’t had a cycle in almost 2 years. But I’m still pissed that when I was going through perimenopause not a single f’king dr diagnosed it. Kept telling me that my hormones were “normal”

Without explaining to me what the f’k the new normal was! My cycles (that were extremely regular) had gone off track, my emotions were going everywhere, I was getting into funks that I’ve never experienced.

I’ve made it my goal when I speak to the younger generation, when we speak of “women issues” that I educated them about it. So they won’t be taken by surprised when it hits them and you feel like you are losing it when you don’t know what the hell is going on.

When it comes to not educating me from people that should know better, like doctors, I hold grudges. Hell, both hubby & I still pissed 25yrs later that I got pregnant a year after having a tubal ligation…..we did everything right not to have kids and that happened.

I don’t think the doctor did it correctly or securely since I was 24 at the time. But you sign a form stating that it is not guaranteed. But we still get mad when we think about it.

Hubby got fixed that fall…..and I went back on the pill for the next 15yrs because I trust nothing after that. Which I was trying to get off of when I went under…..ggrrr

New Primary

I finally found us a new primary.  

Appointment is not until June 1st. =( But when setting up with a new primary, the appointment is longer and harder to book.

The new doctor is closer, female (requirement for both of us), and use to serve in the Army Medical Corp…..a huge plus.  

Hubby deals with PTSD and anxiety… that fact that she served and is used to dealing with vets that deal with those issues, even if his is not service related.  It is a major helpful factor. 

Hubby & I do our appointments together, helps us on remembering what is covered during the visit and bring up things the other might forget or the other one notices.

He really needs a skin check, I’ve been stressing that for awhile, and I already posted some of my issues that I need to address.

Everyone was a huge help on encouragement and ideas on my last post.  I really appreciate it.  It helped to feel that I am not going crazy.

Some have reached out with more detail information and I will be taking that with me.  Every little bit to help figure things out, I’m grateful for.

Feels good to make a step in the right direction.

Life Changes

I’ve been having issues the last few months on lack of motivation, energy, coping, trying to stay out getting into funks…slides into depression.

Things that were never a struggle, now I have to force my through it.  I just don’t seem to have the energy, not even to do the most basic things, I need more sleep.  I just want to shut down and hide from the world.  

I’m not interacting on FB like I use to.  I’m missing it, but at the same time, just don’t feel like getting involved anymore.

Oh, I post articles I’ve read, but I’m not “following” my family and friends like I use to.  

I’m going to try and cut down on the articles….try to stick to posting more personal stuff….because if I’m not interacting, who wants all those articles.

I’m just trying not to slide into a funk. =(

This feels like it has come on so suddenly….I wasn’t feeling this way, this time last year.

There has to be a reason….so I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell has changed.

Well, the only thing I can think is that I’m going through the “change” or menopause.  I haven’t had a cycle since June of last year.  

I use to be very, very regular and a few years ago, that changed and when I got my hormones tested, they keep telling me that I was normal for a woman my age.  But NO one would tell what the hell that means!  

Seriously, doctors don’t tell a woman that….tell her what the fuck that means!  

I’m so f’king annoyed by that….took me a bit to realize that if it was “normal” for a woman my age…that it means it probably has changed…eye roll.

I started researching it….because no one was telling me what it meant.

Some of the crap I’m going through that comes with it:

  • Fatigue
  • Night sweats & Hot Flashes (Had those a lot last summer/fall)
  • Mood swings and irritability.
  • Difficulty sleeping.
  • Cognitive changes (difficulty remembering names, directions, losing focus/train of thought)
  • Weight gain and slowed metabolism

I’m so over this….I just want my energy and thinking back.  

So sorry everyone on not being around as much as I use to, even if was just to like your post.  I loved to keep up on everyone, even if I didn’t comment.  But I seriously just want to hide from the world at this point and anything I do, I have to make myself do.  

I think I got this from mom….lol

Xmas Eve 2018

**This was a post I did 24 Dec 2018 on FB. I like some of the Xmas memories it had.

Feels much later then it is. We both have that “tickle” in our throats that tells us that something icky is trying to get a hold of us. Going to be a nyquil kind of night.

Not celebrating the holidays these year. Way too much going on, plus we already got our presents…..couch, coffee table and my bday present has been getting highend makeup on really great sales….lol

Missing my family something terrible. If that was the one thing I could change, that would be it….get my family out here. No, I do not want to go back to the midwest…..I just want my family out here with me. ?

That is the only thing that I really, really miss from Indiana….family. Everything else, I can easily do without.

But this time of year, makes me miss my family even more. It was the one or two days of the year that my sister and I didn’t fight…..we actually got sneaky together trying to peak at presents….LOL

And the best times I remember have nothing to do with what we got, it was the time spent together. Heck, the stockings were sometimes the most fun with all the change, candy and little things that were in it.

I remember how much money we didn’t have when living in Germany….didn’t stop mom & dad from making it special.

Making refrigerated cookies with mom from the Betty Crocker cook book. Dying them red or green.

Loved how we would go driving around to the nicer neighborhoods and look at all the nights. Germans really knew how to decorate for the holiday. It seemed magically.

Which is why I spent years before the internet to find me the tree topper I wanted that was based off the ones I grew up on in Germany. (Army movers broke them all….eye roll) Blown glass with 2-3 bulbs in it. I now have one, it is burgundy.

Mom reading us the Xmas story every Xmas eve, just before we headed up to bed and just after we put the milk and cookies out.

My first Xmas eve in my apartment at Purdue, mom did it over the phone ?

Remember all the practicing in orchestra for the holiday concerts. Mr Olsen at Tanana Jr HS & while at Lathrop HS would have us practicing so much and then we would go the malls in Fairbanks and do holiday concerts on the weekend. He always had us doing more then just the school performances. ?

This year with everything, I didn’t even put up a tree….only the 2nd yr in my life I’ve been without one.

Next year, I’ll get my 5 big boxes of tree decoration out storage and have my tree. Just hope we are in a bigger place, storage wise…those are big boxes…lol

It’ll take me 3-5hrs to get it all up…..but I’ll have my tree. ?

This year, just going to put the ham in, make some sides and chill with my hubby on our new couch.Have a great holiday everyone!

Enjoy the time spent with family and loved ones.

Current Happenings

We got our boosters yesterday, it is a relief.

1st time over a year, only got gym twice this week….not happy about that. Changing that next week, one way or another.

Annoyed that that when I had to go in to work yesterday to get the pcs online, that I rolled my ankle on a dang pine cone….it is swollen and means I have to figure out something different at the gym….eye roll

After being together for over 28yrs, we are clueless about what to get each other or even what to tell the other to get…..frustrating. I think we are going to get ipads….won’t be delivered until Jan/Feb…but the kindle fires we got last year due are ok, just don’t feel quite right.

Too much of apple users….need to get back to ipads…our current ones are ipad 2…..pretty old…time for an upgrade. =)

Hubby’s BIG 50!

It is hubby’s BIG 50! =)

Got him a few more t-shirts…..? Star Wars action figures & a Funko Batman, picked up his birthday Starbucks =)
Just spending a quiet day at home currently watching the #MichiganWolverines & the #OhioStBuckeyes.

Have #Purdue Basketball later today.

As the years go on, things get both more simpler and more complex in the gift giving. Simpler in that you aren’t wanting much, complex in that you don’t know what you want anymore, since you usually just get what you want when you want it.

So I was happy that I was able to think of a few things that he would like to have =)

From 2yrs ago…..

After hubby opened the t-shirts I got him.

Me: Now I know why Mom gets Dad t-shirts all the time (as I watch him put on a Batman one & thinking of the last pic of Dad with his torn up t-shirt)

Hubby (chuckles): It becomes even more clear as the years goes on


Life Changes…..

**Edit – Totally PISSED! Discovered that my blog was hacked and I have a lot of back junk posts to delete and my tweets aren’t posting….what low life scum bags!!!

I’m not on facebook on a regular basis anymore…..every 2-3 days to play catch up….I only keep it due to friends and family. I may not post much on people’s posts, but I do read and enjoy them.

Hubby has closed his down completely……if you want to hit him up, message me.

3 years ago this week we were packing up and moving back to Oregon…..where our heart has found it’s home when we moved here in 2007

We closed down the PO Box we’ve had in Troutdale for 13yrs today. Feels very weird, but time.
It dawned on me today that I was partial holding on to it, as my way to keep from “settling” in the valley, where I worked outside of Salem, in Keizer.

I was always telling them that I wanted to move back to Troutdale/Gresham…..I still would like that…..but not like I use to….no longer have the “homesick feel” since I got my new job.

With my new position, only 15 mins north of here, we can move farther north…..just not as far as Troutdale (30-45min)…..which is fine with me.

As long as I’m out of the valley… is pretty, but too flat….even with mountains in the distance, I feel better. I did love seeing the hot air balloons. =)

Here, the trees are different, we have hills….the landscape is so much more us ……..we are renewing our lease one more year and looking elsewhere next year.

We never planned on being at this complex this long…..3yrs….you can tell with how we haven’t personalized the apartment….never put any pictures up….they are all in the garage with all of our books……only have had our bed for 1 year out of being here for 3 years…

Now I need to finally change my DL. It has had the Troutdale PO Box on it with Continuous Traveler on it since 2013 when we hit the road in the RV

I’m enjoying my new job. Overwhelmed with so much that I need to learn…..ended up with 25hrs of OT this past 2 weeks…I can even do some of the work remotely. =) But so much less stress and anxiety that I had the last year at Lowe’s.

I’ve been so busy, which is why I haven’t been on as much.

I really, really miss my Lowe’s family….the people I worked with….at Keizer, Mt Vernon and Everett…..but I don’t miss Lowe’s and stress.

It has lost something that use to make special and enjoyable. The company, the caring and how they treated people had changed. And I had really enjoyed my different jobs at Lowe’s…..until this last year. It took it’s toll and effected my health….both physically and mentally.

Hubby starts a new position next week….making green batteries. It is job that make a difference and he is looking forward to it.

Feels like the future is looking bright. =)

Drew Brees June 2008-June 19, 2021

Drew Brees  June 2008- June 19, 2021

ToRn’s buddy……my baby….is no longer in pain.

It was a good thing that they got him in today….took a bad turn in the last 36hrs. 

But this post is about what an awesome cat Drew was.

When we first got Drew and Sakura, we worked from home in the office upstairs.  I would carry him up and down the stairs with me.  Until ToRn asked me if his legs were broken…LOL

He is the only cat that we were able to hold like a baby…..he would sleep for hours curled up like a baby in my lap as I worked. His fangs were so long that I would call him vampire kitty…lol

We would be able to carry him on our shoulders without him using his claws.  He trusted us so much to just carry him.  We were able to carry and move him around so much with the trust he had in us.

ToRn would call to him and hold his arms out and Drew would jump into them purring up a storm.  Drew would stand on his shoulders.

Loved it when he use to go against the wall and do “upside down butt”  LOL

Our first Xmas with Drew and Sakura was the last one that we had an artificial tree. Now, keep in mind that I’ve had this tree for 15 years with 4 other cats…never had an issue.  

I had gone out to Indiana, the 2nd week of Dec to visit family and while on the phone with me, ToRn had eyes staring out at him from the tree at eye level.  Well, ToRn is 6’2”….so they were pretty high up there.  

They keep getting into the tree and making a mess that ToRn just put the tree in the downstairs half bath for me to deal with when I got home…..he is not a Xmas fan, that is all me…lol

When he encountered our friend’s german short hair, he would just look at her and she would not meet his eyes and back down.

I remember us hearing something from downstairs, we get down there and our hanging plant is swinging like crazy and dirt on the floor.  Drew was on the floor just looking at us, like what?  He had to have jumped a good distance from the counter.  We never knew Drew could fly…

I had never had a cat that would try and wake me up to let them under the covers like he did.  He would paw at the blankets, if that didn’t work, I would sometimes open my eyes to his paw on my nose, or him hissing at me to wake me up…  

When we were in the king size, he got a whole portion to himself.  It use to drive ToRn nuts how much I would go out the way not to disturb Drew when I had get out of bed for a potty call…

He would talk to us on all the time, until last year.  You would tell him no and he would talk back.  Sometimes, he would just stand there and do his “roar” for no reason.  It always reminded me of him trying to be a lion…lol

When we were down in AZ at the wildlife preserve, he was doing his meow “roars” and all of the sudden we heard this howl.  It was a coyote near by, startled the hell out of us…..especially Drew….LOL  He was like wth?? 

ToRn always claimed that when I left, he would call meow “mommie”.  He was my baby, ToRn would say he was spoiled, I would say he was just very well loved.  And he is sorely missed. =(


Last Day……

0928 Sat 19 June 2021

The vet got us in at 1130.  On one hand we are grateful for more time with Drew, on the other the wait is horrible.  I went to bed last night, hoping that Drew would pass on his own during the night.

I’ve been trying to distract myself the whole time.  Getting things done around the house…..didn’t do my weekly errands or gym…..I may do the gym afterwards to distract myself…..thinking I need the physical effort to get my mind off of crying all day.

I’m currently an emotional wreck….doesn’t help that we have Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows Part 2 on….that one always gets me.

At work yesterday when I informed folks why I was not doing well, I tried to state it briefly and move on.  For those who offered sympathy, I just started tearing up and almost broke down, especially on the hugs.  Did that on and off through out the day.

He wasn’t doing too good when we made the decision Thursday night, but I noticed since we made the decision, he has gotten even worst, quickly….

His food intake went down yesterday, but eating….today, won’t even lick the turkey meat, won’t touch any of the cat nip that we have piled up all around the place.  He is not making it to the litter box and is very dehydrated. Before today, he followed me all over the apartment, just to be near me……not cuddling, but there on the floor….and now can’t even get a purr.  =(

I think the enlarging of the lump on this throat, that has spread to his cheek, has made it harder for him to eat….the meds quit working on the swelling about a month ago.

It confirms that we made the right decision for today, but wonder if we should’ve done it last week.  I really thought it would happen during my vacation week.

Neither ToRn nor I are over how quickly we lost Sakura, and we can still see her in Drew’s face and tail.  When we talked about it the other night, I told him that maybe having the extended time we had with Drew will help us with unexpected lost of his sister in Dec.

No matter how painful this is…..I can’t go without cats and I want even more.

We have just over an hour before we leave for the vet………

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