Category Archives: Reflections

Life Changes

I’ve been having issues the last few months on lack of motivation, energy, coping, trying to stay out getting into funks…slides into depression.

Things that were never a struggle, now I have to force my through it.  I just don’t seem to have the energy, not even to do the most basic things, I need more sleep.  I just want to shut down and hide from the world.  

I’m not interacting on FB like I use to.  I’m missing it, but at the same time, just don’t feel like getting involved anymore.

Oh, I post articles I’ve read, but I’m not “following” my family and friends like I use to.  

I’m going to try and cut down on the articles….try to stick to posting more personal stuff….because if I’m not interacting, who wants all those articles.

I’m just trying not to slide into a funk. =(

This feels like it has come on so suddenly….I wasn’t feeling this way, this time last year.

There has to be a reason….so I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell has changed.

Well, the only thing I can think is that I’m going through the “change” or menopause.  I haven’t had a cycle since June of last year.  

I use to be very, very regular and a few years ago, that changed and when I got my hormones tested, they keep telling me that I was normal for a woman my age.  But NO one would tell what the hell that means!  

Seriously, doctors don’t tell a woman that….tell her what the fuck that means!  

I’m so f’king annoyed by that….took me a bit to realize that if it was “normal” for a woman my age…that it means it probably has changed…eye roll.

I started researching it….because no one was telling me what it meant.

Some of the crap I’m going through that comes with it:

  • Fatigue
  • Night sweats & Hot Flashes (Had those a lot last summer/fall)
  • Mood swings and irritability.
  • Difficulty sleeping.
  • Cognitive changes (difficulty remembering names, directions, losing focus/train of thought)
  • Weight gain and slowed metabolism

I’m so over this….I just want my energy and thinking back.  

So sorry everyone on not being around as much as I use to, even if was just to like your post.  I loved to keep up on everyone, even if I didn’t comment.  But I seriously just want to hide from the world at this point and anything I do, I have to make myself do.  

I think I got this from mom….lol

Hubby’s BIG 50!

It is hubby’s BIG 50! =)

Got him a few more t-shirts…..? Star Wars action figures & a Funko Batman, picked up his birthday Starbucks =)
Just spending a quiet day at home currently watching the #MichiganWolverines & the #OhioStBuckeyes.

Have #Purdue Basketball later today.

As the years go on, things get both more simpler and more complex in the gift giving. Simpler in that you aren’t wanting much, complex in that you don’t know what you want anymore, since you usually just get what you want when you want it.

So I was happy that I was able to think of a few things that he would like to have =)

From 2yrs ago…..

After hubby opened the t-shirts I got him.

Me: Now I know why Mom gets Dad t-shirts all the time (as I watch him put on a Batman one & thinking of the last pic of Dad with his torn up t-shirt)

Hubby (chuckles): It becomes even more clear as the years goes on


Vacation’s End

Uuuggghhhh……this week has gone by way too fast.

I really don’t want it to be over with and back to work Monday… is too soon….I still have so much I want to get done, while having a few more chilled out days.

I did get a lot done, nearly all of what I wanted to get done. There is only a few more things I would like to get done. It felt good to get a good portion accomplished. ?

Even when my 2 days are off together, there isn’t enough time, because I want one day not do a damn thing, then a day to get stuff done around the house….but that day is usually getting ready for the next week. Making the lunches, getting clothes ready and all that…..puts a killer on things.

I’ve throughly enjoyed being back at the gym, even though it is going to be a while before I’m back up to what I was doing before it closed. I got 6 days in this week……forced myself to take a day off since my calves were still sore. Wanted to push through, but worried about doing more damage. Damn, do I love seeing the calories burned…grin

I’m just not ready to try and figure out what to have for next week’s work lunches and then spend Sunday getting them together….uugghhh

I wish I had been able to head out to Indiana to visit family, but on the other hand glad I stayed home to spend time with Drew. I am actually surprised that Drew is still eating, purring and demanding. I really did not expect him to, but he is still walking like normal, just laying down a lot more.

Like I was telling ToRn the other day, on one hand I’m glad that Drew is still with us and do not want to let him go, but on the other hand I keep looking for signs that it is time because I don’t want him to suffer, but don’t want to have to make the decision. We both would like to come home and found that Drew to have made the decision for us.

We would never give up having cats, but we hate it when we have to make the decision to let them go to the rainbow bridge.

I did have some chill out time today, which was very nice.

I also played around with the scanner and scanned some old pictures and uploaded them to one of my FB albums. That was pretty cool. I was having some major flashbacks…lol

I want to do some pictures from my grandparents album of my parents wedding and their first couple of years. That would be cool ?

After almost 3yrs at this apartment, I have us the best prepared to deal with this years heat. Two ACs and a few more fans all set up.

I won’t hide that I’m concerned about this summer, with the drought we are having here in Oregon. We are currently getting some rain now, but no where near enough and after last year’s fires, I’m a little concerned.

I did go through our fire safes that we would take with us for evacuation, but we need to get prepared. I’ll look up the tips from the state and work on some of that next weekend.

I did treat myself this week, got my hair colored to bright copper red and had my first pedicure in about 9yrs. That was relaxing as hell. ?

Need to get up early tomorrow, get back into part of my morning routine. Need to get our fresh veggies & fruits for the week, fill up the Jeep and get lunches done after the gym.

This week is going to be different, been a few weeks since I did exercise before work…..need to get my timing down so I’m not late….lol I’ve been sleeping in until 0335, for the 3 days of gym before, I’ll be getting up by 0215….means no more staying up until 2000……lol

And on that note, I need to get to bed

Days Off & Drew Update

We had the last 4 days off. We got a few things done around the house, I got shopping done Sunday.  Spent time together binge watching Star Trek Discovery, it was nice. I really enjoyed it and would like more. =)

It really made me missed from when we use to work from home.  

Really not wanting to go in tomorrow….lol  And I’ve done everything to not think about work the last 4 days.

We are major home bodies, once we are home.  

Unlike the majority of the country, other than social distancing, masks, and no gym our personal lives hadn’t changed.  

We were very lucky that covid didn’t cost us our jobs, but in many ways it added so much more stress…..between losing co-workers at times due to medical emergences/scares, and increase business at work, we never had our normal winter slow down to catch our breath. Just seems never ending busy….especially with staffing shortages.

The really reason for today’s writing is an update on our baby Drew.  

When I took him in to the specialist in Jan, the vet stated that most aggressive treatment for his lymphoma, would include surgery and chemo would cost $600-$900 a week for 2-3 months and in his experience, the cats he treated only lasted 4 months.

Well, no way we could afford that and, even if we could, we won’t want to put him through all that, be miserable and then lose him.  We wanted quality.

So we were given a steroid for pain management and to help reduce that lump at his throat.  I loved when that lump was no longer obvious.  Felt like we got some of him back

It also increased his appetite.  Just so I know how he is eating and making sure he gets nutrition, I’ve been feeding him prescribed wet food, twice a day.  With the high calorie food and the appetite increase, our skinny cat actually got a small belly.

He also knew something was up, we allowed him human food for the first time. He became very demanding….in the kitchen as soon as I was in there….lol

Well, it has been over 5 months since the specialist vet and his lump is coming back, he is still eating, the belly is still there, but his backend has lost what little he had.

I’ve increased his dosage, just want to make sure that it helps with his pain and if it can reduce that lump at all, I’ll take it.

He still purrs like crazy when brushing, he demands it…..not playing like he was a few months ago, when we were alone without the other 2 kitties.  He’ll go and bop the heck out of Anastasia and Gimli and make them back down.  He is not getting that glazed look….his looks are more of why are you not feeding/petting me.  He is still settling next to me in bed, but as ToRn and talked the other day, we don’t have much time left with our Drew Brees. He will be 13 in June…..we are just taking one day at time, but time is getting short and we are lucky it has been over 5 months.

It doesn’t help that we just lost his sister, Sakura, very quickly last Dec and sometimes if he looks a certain way, he reminds me of her.  I can’t always handle pictures of her, because I keep wondering what if…..she is first that we had lost so quickly. So I know that neither of us have recovered from her lost.

Our other four babies, we knew when it was coming.  It helped to make the pictures bitter sweet and but don’t make me feel that I had failed them….we knew we did the right thing, even though it hurts like you are ripping out your heart.

Anastasia and Gimli make us laugh…..that helps a lot.  

Gimli is such goof ball. He may out weigh his sister, but she jumps without an issue and does not back down…lol They are both loud at meowing at us when they want something…..holy cow, sometimes it sounds so pathetic as if we never feed them…lol  We feel sorry for our neighbors below us, our cats are loud when they are chasing each other…lol

It’s Happening

Still stressed, but a bit better. Sent this in text to hubby earlier, but here is an update, with context:

Install Office closes March 30, the coordinator supposed to be in here for 30 days afterwards but my coordinator isn’t fully trained so my store mgr is gonna work on it where I’m still in the office while getting trained for a department on the floor.

They were thinking of plumbing….but that is not a department I want…

So they are mulling over on Millworks for me

That in fact since I also usually play in fill-in floating manager I’m still doing management while taking care of the office for the last 30 days so I may be in the office until the end of April.

And if i get Millworks, that is an if still mulling it over I would be helping on my strength of knowing specialty.

At least some of the unknown has been addressed, so that helped relieve some of the stressed.

So stressed out and exhausted, but hopeful.

Keeping my options open